Two weeks ago I turned 35.
Where is my mind?
Like I said, I just turned 35. I live alone on the Lower East Side in NYC. I am the first assistant to a celebrity and editorial hair stylist. and in the last month I've been to LA three times, Miami, and Mallorca Spain. I've worked with pop stars and movie stars and people I've looked up to my entire life. I've lost about 100lbs over the last year. I have savings.
but something's still wrong. Somehting's off.
Am I running away?
I spend most of my days stoned. I enjoy working out. I see the occasional movie. And I go to work. That's it. I have dear friends that I love but they're also in their late 30s and early 40s. Life is busy and we all live in different places. I don't date. I don't really go out. It's hard to travel other than for work.
Okay. Why? Well at some point I have to trauma dump so why not do it first so it's out of the way and we can move on.
Like a lot of people, I've had a hard life. My childhood was rough. But the trauma extended into my late 20s with the passing of my father and the estragnement of my mother and siblings. I guess I should also come out too. I'm gay - lol. But that adds another layer to the onion here.
To wrap it up quickly, I've been bogged down by the weight of the world in the most expensive city in the nation. Combine the desire to isolate with my rent bill and I'll find a reason to never leave. But, I've gotten too good at that and I'm ready for change.
I'm fighting to survive.
Yeah, okay, selling all of my belongings and traveling the world for a year may seem a like a mid life cry for help. It is. Exactly that. But I'm screaming for myself. I grasping for air and I think I'm holding the life vest. I understand that life is hard for everyone. I understand that I need to do the work to better myself. That's partially why I haven't dated in so long. I don't always love the version of myself that is in the present moment. I know the path I'm taking is both extreme and so privelgaed. I'm sure there are many other options. I could just move out of my apartment.I could find a roommate. I could move to a cheaper city. Hell, I could move to Redlands.
But one thing about me, through the dark and sadness there is light. I have whimsy. I dream. And it has always been a dream to travel the world. And some how, the stars have aligned for that to become a possiblity. Now, this isn't luxury. And it's not vacation either. I have goals and projects to work on.
I plan to find remote work of some kind. See, I finished a degree in Comp Sci a few years ago but the cost of rent and living in NYC meant I couldn't give up my current career to take lower wages while building new skills and relationships in a potentially dying field. At least with hair, it keeps growing. But I wasn't happy. Hair was never my passion or the final goal. I literally picked it as a way to build a skill I could always land on. And the goal with the degree was always to find work with flexibility and freedom to travel. I also have a very uniqe resume.
What's the goal?
There's a few concrete goals we can watch with benchmarks.
- A new career.
- REQUIREMENTS:
- Not blue (or pink) collar
- Creative
- High earnings potential
- Remote / Hybrid flexibilty
- REQUIREMENTS:
That's also not set in stone. As of now, I want to return to New York. But I want to do it with a new career and point of view. I have become very jaded and even synical over the last few years. My life in the city has been stagent.
I hope that I can use this trip to find the version of me that has been missing for so long. I hope to find a level of peace I have yet to meet. I hope to make new connections and fall in love a thousand times. I hope to come back to NYC with the excitment I had for it in 2013.